Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Time After Time

I feel like time is running out. There is not enough time. How can that be? Isn't time infinite? I think it is, but we are not. That is why we try to hold on to time. We try to make time. But time cannot be bought, or sold, or manufactured. Time is free, but free time is priceless. Time can be spent, and wasted. But there will always be more time.


But not today. Today there is never enough time.

Often we say we would do this or that if we had more time. But if time is constant and infinite, how can there not be enough? How can we need more of something that will never run out? And if we truly believe that we would rather spend our time doing something else, then why do we keep doing things we don't want to, day after day? My friend Meghan says the definition of insanity is repeating the same act over and over again expecting different results. Isn't that what most of us are doing? The same routine, Monday to Friday, with the hopes that one day it will be better? Maybe it will be better on the day when we turn 65. We can retire...then will we have more time? What will we have more time to do? Live?

What will we be able to say we did for all of those 65 years? We let life pass us by because we were busy trying to save a little bit of time...
My days here in the Caribbean are coming to an end. I have not wasted any time here, I have not tried to save any time, or make any time. I just lived every moment here full of life, and time went by at its own pace. In many instances I didn't know what day it was, or what the clock said. I didn't think about time at all, and somehow that gave me all the time in the world.
I suppose there are people who have figured this out where they live. They didn't have to come to the Caribbean, or some other place to find out. But to me, there is something here, on this island that speaks to me. Maybe it is simply my own inner voice, but I've never heard it before. I want to keep listening to it. If I can't hear it when I come back to Canada, then I will know that this place is truly my home.
Only time will tell.


Jen said...

That was a beautiful post Janet. I think the reality is that it's very hard to live like that here. Everything costs so much, even if you do live simply. I think there are only a few places left on earth that one can live whithout feeling time ticking by. Maybe I am wrong, but I had the same feelings when I have been in a tropical, "3rd world" country. There is just a different vibe. The inner voice is just hard to hear when there is so much noise and stimulation. I wonder if the locals feel the same way you do there, or if they feel like we do here. What is the impression you get?

I can't wait to see you when you get back. Please, please lets make time to see each other. I have some news :)

Anonymous said...

I am sitting here reading your posts with tears in my eyes. Happy but sad. Happy that you have found that inner peace and sad that I may never find it. Life does move so quickly here and you work so damm hard to keep up and wonder if there ever will be a time to sit and enjoy life.. I guess I will have to wait until I am 65.. I hope you find your home where ever it is as but we will miss you like heck...